Sometimes all you can do is wait

Pregnancy is such an exciting time!  And it’s short.  Really, in the grand scheme of things, not very long at all.  And there is so much to do, so much to get ready!  Preparing the nursery, learning about maternity and child care leave, hunting for deals on all the baby essentials, learning how to take care of newborns, how to nurse, how to make baby food, figuring out what is cheaper to make vs. buy, touring the hospital, signing up for birthing classes, finding out the genders of the twins, thinking of names for them, throwing a baby shower, figuring out ways to earn money as I plan to stay home with the twins for the first few years, finishing up any house projects that we can before the babies arrive and take over our lives….getting the outlets fixed in the garage so we can get a deep freezer and I can make a lot of meals ahead of time that we can eat during those challenging first few months…goodness gracious, there is a lot to do.

Yet somehow, I find myself feeling a little bored right now.  Because even though there is so much going on and so much to get ready, there is not really anything I can do at the moment besides live my daily life.  I like projects.  I like to be able to throw myself into something entirely.  Or perhaps it’s just inertia–when I am used to simply living daily life, my daily life takes up all my time and energy and I can’t imagine taking on anything else!  But then when something big comes up (for example…finding out you’re pregnant with twins!) I suddenly get a rush of energy and find time in my day that I didn’t know was there, and I get used to moving a hundred miles an hour.  When things get settled and I no longer have to multitask and there is not much more to learn or do, I feel a bit lost.

I have done as much as I can for right now, and for now, all there is to do is wait.  Wait for the electrician to come next week so I can order a deep freezer and start planning meals.  Then wait for the third trimester to start making meals so they aren’t sitting in the freezer forever.  Wait for my next ultrasound so I can have reassurance that everything is still going well, and hopefully find out the genders so I can start thinking of names and getting gender-appropriate clothes.  Wait for warmer weather so I can start scouting out the local yard sales for deals on baby gear.  Wait for the baby shower so I know what others will give to us, and know what I have left to get.  Wait to finish my current job before I can truly begin anything new.  Wait until after giving birth and recovering and figuring out life with twins before trying to take on something like a new job of any sort!  Wait until my husband and I both have time and energy to work on any house projects.  Wait to give birth before I can even try to get my old body back.  Wait until the next paycheck to buy any more baby items, and even then I should wait until later in the pregnancy just to make sure that all is going well.  And then wait until it’s finally time to give birth and find out if any of my preparation was useful at all or if I have to start from scratch.

Some of these things will happen in the next week or so, others I’ll have to wait several months.  Waiting is hard!  And for some reason, God likes to make us wait.  He does a lot of work while we’re waiting.  Waiting develops perseverance, patience and trust.  Trust that everything will happen at the right time, that God’s plan is good, that I do not have to control everything with my obsessive (and often futile) planning.  In this particular waiting period, I know that each day my babies are growing and developing into little unique humans and every day is an absolute miracle even though it all feels the same to me.  It’s hard to see the blessing of the mundane days of waiting in the moment, but later I look back and realize that waiting has forced me to grow in ways that I never could have if everything happened right away as I would like.

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