Twin Terror

Not that my twins are a terror…more like, I’m terrified of twins!

I’ll be okay, of course.  I know that.  Many people have gone before me and successfully raised twins, and I will find ways to do it, too.  I know that support is out there and I’ll find others who are going through the same struggles and triumphs.  And it will be such a beautiful and unique experience!  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Still, I’m just nervous.  Now that I’m 11.5 weeks along (and all is going well, as far as I know…two successful ultrasounds already, and the next one is in a little less than 2 weeks), the reality is starting to sink in.  I’m allowing myself to get a bit more attached, since we are almost out of the first trimester and things are going smoothly.  I just might make it out in August with two little newborn babies!

But as the news sinks in, so does the reality of raising two babies.  How will I breastfeed?  Will I have any time for myself in the entire first year?  Will I have any identity other than “mommy of twins”?  Will I have time to do anything else besides be a “mommy of twins”?  How will we afford getting two of so many things, not to mention the lost income from me staying home for the first few years?

I wish that my parents were close by, but that is not an option.  We live with my father-in-law, but he is not in the best health and can’t really take care of newborns (other than maybe watching them while they nap, which I desperately hope he will be willing to do so I can go for runs and finish errands without two babies in tow!).  I knew that life would be different after having a baby–however, with two, the change seems so much more drastic.  Two babies with two different sets of needs and personalities and temperaments.  Perhaps two different sleeping schedules.  I must become a master of multitasking if I want to get anything done besides feeding and changing diapers!

So I have a lot of things to think about.

That being said, I am grateful for the opportunity to be planning for and worried about babies on the way, rather than aimlessly waiting to get pregnant and not knowing what to do with myself while I waited for…well, who knows how long?  This is a much better kind of stress.  God is good.

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