It should be, and in many ways, it is. I am comforted to know that God saves me regardless of my undeserving sinful state and my inability to have faith apart from Him. I am comforted to know that there is a plan for the world from the beginning of time that will not be thwarted no matter what things look like on earth right now. I am comforted to know that even my greatest mistakes and willful sinful actions can not change God’s love for me or His plans for my life, and that all things work together for my good because I am called according to His purposes.
These are the big things of life, the things that I could not change or control even if I wanted to. And I don’t want to! I want to rest in the knowledge that God is in charge and I am most decidedly not.
But this is not always comforting in the moment, especially when I want something to happen and it doesn’t seem to. Having a baby, for instance. I believe that God alone gives life and has the ability to take it away when He sees fit, and that is a very hard fact to deal with since He did, in fact, see fit to take the (very young) life of the child I never got to meet. He decided to give it for a moment, and then take it away. And He has not seen fit to give us another child yet to replace the one that was lost.
I believe that He can do whatever He desires, and so I am now left with the question…how could He desire this? Doesn’t He love children? Isn’t becoming a parent a noble and worthy calling, and a good part of the point of marriage? Many Christians try to let God off the hook by saying that He does not will for these things to happen and they are a result of living in a sinful world. All true points, of course. But this is the same God who entered into the world He created as a man, born to a virgin, who rose from the dead and lives forever. Don’t tell me the God who did all of those supernatural, reason-defying miracles can’t form a healthy baby in my womb through the very natural means that He created. He is bigger than that.
And there is a reason for all of this, I am sure. I may never really get to know why. Actually, I’m pretty positive that even if I think I know why, I will never truly know. For His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways, higher than our ways…this is just the uncomfortable reality of being human with a sinful nature that wants to be God.
This is His way of developing patience and hope and humility within stubborn and hardened hearts. It doesn’t make the breaking any less painful. But it does produce the faith that is refined by fire, more precious than gold.